insanity

The Girlfriend Experience

And by that I mean the “Gold” VIP Package from Creation’s Supernatural Con.  Just check out all the great stuff!

HERE’S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU GO GOLD AT THE SUPERNATURAL NEW JERSEY CONVENTION: (Insert LA for Jersey)

1) The absolute best reserved seats in the main theatre where all our major guests appear! These seats are YOURS, come and go, all weekend. (The closest you’ll get to J &J’s lap and rockhard chest all weekend)

2) Complimentary in-person autographs with great guests including (whoever is available that weekend which for LA meant more actual stars and less “who’d you play?”) and more to be announced.

3) First to get autographs: we go row by row: you are in the front rows: you get the idea! THAT’S RIGHT: you get to our guests first! (To sign various paraphernalia which, seriously, where are you going to put that 8ft stage banner?)

4) Complimentary admission to our SATURDAY NIGHT DESSERT AND COCKTAIL PARTY! Mix and mingle with fellow fans and selected guests. This event is EXCLUSIVE for Gold Weekend Patrons! (I can only imagine, cause I opted for the cheap, voyeur seats)

5) Pre-Registration fun: we get you set for the weekend before other patrons and give you first crack at the exclusive merchandise!  (Five tables selling disappearing mugs and autographs leftover from other cons, stuff you’ll really need in 10 years.)

6) Wristband access: we have special color coded wristbands and lanyard credentials for GOLD Package Holders: once you get set you don’t need to wait again! (Read that again, lanyard credentials.  Seriously.)

7) Complimentary Admission to our SUNDAY MORNING Breakfast and Charity Silent Auction: enjoy a delightful continental breakfast with other fans and special celebrity drop-ins, and help us raise money for a great charity. This event is EXCLUSIVE TO GOLD WEEKEND PATRONS! (Even I can’t hate on charity.)

8) Fantastic FREE SUPERNATURAL gift you’ll love!  (Not so much free when the whole Girlfriend Experience costs $500, not including lodging, refreshments or travel.  Oh and crap for all those “free” autographs you’ll be collecting.)

Honestly, I’m torn and a bit of a hypocrite.  I went to this thing, I gave Creation my money.  I whooped and hollered when the attractive menfolk where on stage.  Sure I can comfort myself with the fact that I spent more time exploring LA with my dear friend Rachel than I did creepily stalking sci-fi celebrities.  In fact I watched Mark Pellegrino (Lucifer for the un-Supernatural-initiated) walk past on his way to the green room and didn’t realize it until after the fact was pointed out to me.  I also missed the Costume Contest to catch my flight but then I proved all weekend my lack of fangirl crazy by not bidding multiple benjamins on banners, autographs, mugs, crap, crap and more crap.  Oh and I didn’t submit a fan music video to set to Train.  Damn.

BUT as I said to Rachel, for the $500 Gold/Girlfriend Package one of those Winchester boys better be making out with me for at least 10 minutes, wives and girlfriends be damned.  I don’t mean to mock those girls/people that did though.  I don’t know your life, I don’t know what your reasons were for taking the time, spending the money and hanging out at an airport hotel all weekend.  Maybe this is your special thing you do every year.  Maybe like me, you meet up with someone and have a great time wandering a new city and watch cinema at it’s most painful (LA folks haven’t lied, The Room really is that bad it’s good, but good in a painful, never again way.)

Or maybe you fall in the typical stalker fangirl clichés.  Maybe you write self-fulling fanfic where an attractive young woman named Amanda walks up to a Winchester Boy, pick one, and makes a pithy comment and ten pages later are in bed declaring undying love and devotion.  Not that I would know.  Seriously though, I don’t know who to blame for these events.  Creation for making money where there is obvious money to be made?  The stars for appearing and getting paid and giving something back to the fans?  The fans for investing a seriously INSANE AMOUNT OF MONEY.  REALLY?  I PAY RENT WITH WHAT YOU SPENT ON POSTER-SIZED PIC OF SOME DUDE!!???!!!

If it was more about the community and not the one-upmanship of who can get the most crap signed by the most stars and “I really liked your moment with Jared” (real comment overheard by the bathroom mere moments before I was completely oblivious to Mark Pellegrino, who I enjoy as an actor) maybe I’d feel less dirty.  Mostly I felt uncomfortable the whole weekend about the elephant in the room no one, organizers, stars, fans, would acknowledge.  I like that this show, these characters, this world isn’t real.  I have enough real.  I have relationships, work, baby showers, laundry that all need my time and attention.  I don’t need fictional characters to be real.  I need them to live on the screen and in the ethers, entertain me for an hour and then leave me be.  But for some, the Girlfriend Experience is real.  They think they’re making real connections with these people.  They’re knitting them things, asking obnoxious questions, expecting these stars to be the characters, or at least fit into their perception of them.

Again I feel like a big phony for saying all this because I was part of the problem this weekend.  I maybe also had a different expectation too.  I had thought this would be more about celebrating the work and it wasn’t.  And maybe I’m just making excuses.  All I have to say is that hope everyone got whatever they were looking for because for that kind of money you better have gotten your climax.

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State of the Novel…

I meant to do this on Sunday, Day 7 of NaNoWriMo to create a nice symmetry.  An update every week on how the writing went, what I discovered about my story, the characters and maybe myself along the way.  And then life over road that plan, like many others. 

As of today, Day 12 I’m at 23,102.  It’s a big number but the higher it gets the more I’m less worried about it.  After I hit 10K which seemed impossible two weeks ago, I’m driven less by the number (and also check it less than every ten minutes and despair) and more by my story.  Driven so much that I’m worried I’ll be able to finish by November.  Sure I’m on pace to hit 50,000 and win but for me the real win will be completing the story.  Not to get all sappy and personal but I need this right now really bad.  I need to validate that I can do this, write a novel that has at least some redeeming qualities. 

Which is the shock in all this.  How much I’ve come to rely on my writing time.  In the past I have tried to set aside time each day to simply write, but I never sustained it.  Sure I hem and haw and whine that I have to write, but by 30 minutes I’m flying, lost again.  And I like what I’m writing.  Yeah, my novel’s genre, yeah it’s filled with typos and really bad grammar and far too many adverbs and uneven balance between dialogue and events. 

So it leads me to today, where I’m being very mopey and critical of my life so far and wondering what now?  When this is done and I have a finished product then what?  I plan to revise, of course.  I really like what I’ve written and I feel I owe it to Al and Jen, and Lis and Mellie to give them the best I have.  But then…can I take the next step? Publish?  It seems like a pipe dream.  It seems I’m unworthy to even say the word, to even think it.  But can I really not try? 

So onward and upward…to higher word counts. 

 

This is happening…

I’m doing it.  I’ve thought about it since my good friend Rachel suggested it back in July.  I signed up, I have some plot ideas, I’m buying a book tonight, I’m probably crazy but… I’m writing a novel next month.nano_09_blk_participant_100x100_1_png

As of today I’m an official participant in NaNoWriMo aka National Novel Writing Month.  The purpose, since 1999 is to write a complete novel, whether it be crap or not, of 50,000 words by November 30th and win.  Win what?  The Grand Prize?  Vacation for Two?  Toaster Oven?  No you win what I like to call at life.  Writing a novel has been a crazy pipe dream of mine since high school and I wanted to move on from angsty poetry.  And NaNoWriMo’s mission fits with my needs, dedicating time to simply writing.  As they say quantity, not quality counts.  I need to do this, I need to break the mantra down that I could do this if I…blah blah blah.  No excuses I’m telling myself.  I’m doing this.  I might start believing myself soon but I’m writing a novel next month.  It will be crap and I will share with you all, and I might throw up and chicken out of the whole thing but it’s happening. 

Not sure how this is going to effect my 100 books in a year challenge.  I just hit 77 so I’ll be in good shape if I take a month off.  I’ll just end the year strong with a string of kids and romance novels. 

If you would like to join me in madness my id is akmargie.  We’ll be writing buddies.  In insanity.